aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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