I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
