Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
