i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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