you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
His hands were made for my vagina.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
