Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
