so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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