He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
