this just has baby written all over it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
