Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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