i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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