i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
