dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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