Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
