just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
