she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
