hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
