I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
