You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
