I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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