I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
