GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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