This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
