sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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