And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it hurts more in the daytime
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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