I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
