the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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