i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
