And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
