life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize