I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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