I'm so fucking centered right now
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
