just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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