i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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