I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
