If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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