how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
