Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
