It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
