a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
