If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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