who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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