Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
