Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
