I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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