mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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