R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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