we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
