It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
