it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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