That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
