don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
