i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
