I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
