Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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