Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
