I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
