i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
