I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
All I want is dick and wine.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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