Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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