Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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