he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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