walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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