Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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