and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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