Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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