Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
