Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
