They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
