yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
