Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
