ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
