The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
