There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
