Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
