So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
