I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
