So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
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