the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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