You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
