New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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