you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
