You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
