nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
