i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize