It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The uberlube is also flammable
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
