for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
