i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
