I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
