im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
