Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
