You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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