I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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