There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
