who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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