i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
