I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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