So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
